If you're like the average person, you tend to forget how much sway you actually have over those around you. Subjective perceptions tend to be unassertive when compared to objective measures of how much other people truly pay attention to, think about, and agree to do things for one. Leaders can make the mistake of thinking that their employees are more likely to disagree with them and ignore their ideas than they actually are.
People don't always realize how much they affect other people, which can have serious consequences. Failure to appreciate your power can result in foregone opportunities to advocate for opportunities, demand what you believe you deserve, and preserve your voice to induce you to care. It can also make you say or do things at random, causing you to impact other people unintentionally, sometimes in ways, you'd rather not.
When people lack confidence in themselves, they may waste time and energy looking for new ways to exert influence when what they need to do is learn to make the most of the impact they already have. Here are three tips that will help you start making better use of the pressure you already have but may not always realize you have.
(Photo from the wires)
1. Observe the effect you have on other people.
One reason we don't see the impact we have on other people is that we tend to discount our own importance. We use our own eyes to observe the outside world. In other words, we are aware of the actions of others and the methods by which those actions affect us and others. However, we, ourselves, are conspicuously absent from our standard view of the world. We can't see how we're adding to a cycle of bad behavior.
Couples can keep their marriages happy with as little as ten minutes of each partner's time every few months to think about a recent argument from a third-party point of view.
2. Awareness of the effect you have on those around you.
People also get their level of influence wrong because they assume that others will understand what they say and do in a certain way without asking them first.
It's not enough to simply recognize the effects our actions have on other people; we also need to feel what those actions are like for them. We have to figure out how to feel what they feel when we are around them.
So, studies have shown that it's not enough to pretend to share another person's point of view. If we want to understand how their minds work, we need to get an outsider's point of view. To broaden one's horizons, one must be exposed to fresh information. Simply asking someone how they are feeling or what they're thinking is a straightforward and effective way to gain insight.
Talking to another person is like stepping out of the mental echo chamber, even though people don't always tell us what they're thinking or even if they know how they truly feel about something. It broadens the scope of your mind reading beyond your own preconceptions of the other person.
3. Feeling the effects of your leadership on others.
One final factor leading to the underestimation of one's influence is the failure to try it out. We don't make requests or make statements unless we're confident of getting a favorable response. But our perceptions of openness and the possibility of an agreement are flawed. We have more sway than we give ourselves credit for, but we wouldn't know that unless we put it to the test.
More people than you might think to appreciate the effort it takes to say something nice or show appreciation.
Final Thoughts
Because of this, putting your hidden influence to the test is one of the swiftest and most reliable ways to realize it exists. Rather than making elaborate excuses not to ask for help, just ask. Don't keep your appreciation or admiration for a coworker bottled up inside. You'll quickly realize the power of your words, perhaps more so than you ever imagined.
By using your influence in these small ways, you'll not only strengthen it so you can use it more but also become more aware of how you use it. This is because the experience you gain will help you do both, especially when you combine it with the tips above for getting out of your own head and gaining perspective.